Chosen With Love
The Gift of Adoption and Foster Care
story by KJ NALLY photos by DANIEL NALLY & Lifeline Children’s Services
Celebrating November 8th: Orphan Sunday
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Years ago, our hearts were called to adoption. We said, “Okay, God, you expand our family in the timing and way you choose, with the children you choose for us, for Your glory and the Gospel to expand.” We would never have imagined the journey that would ensue to become parents.
In 2011, after five years of marriage, we found out we were pregnant with our first baby. I remember sitting in the office, waiting for my doctor to come in. My heart was beating so fast. That day we would meet our first baby, and we were thrilled. The doctor came in and talked about what to expect and hospital protocol. Then it was time for “Baby’s First Picture.”
Silence. This isn’t what an ultrasound was supposed to look like, I thought. Where was my baby? The picture was white, with only a tiny black circle. No heartbeat. No baby. The doctor didn’t need to say anything; we knew. And our hearts broke. The doctor told us that we had already lost the baby. All the dreams of this little one starting our family of three … gone.
In 2014, we met our perfect gift, a chosen-for-us son, whom we named Jaden, which means, “God has heard.”
Walking into the hospital was the most surreal experience of our lives. The moment we laid eyes on our new son, I wept in awe; my husband stared in shock. The baby was perfect. So amazing, we called him our angel baby – our immeasurable gift and chosen son.
Hours later, we entered his birth mom’s hospital room. All at once, my heart overflowed with love for this girl. She was so young, so small. We cried in each other’s arms. She then told us, “I’m not sure why this all happened, but God chose me to have your baby. I will always love him, but I know he is with his parents.”
I’ve told so many people, I feel as though I’ve birthed him. Perhaps that’s in part because he’s been a labor of love for years. And he is “biologically” ours … a baby boy created in the womb for our family.
Just twenty months later, we were surprised with our second, perfect, chosen-for-us son, Uriah, meaning, “The Lord is my light.”
On November 8th, we celebrate National Orphan Day, a time to focus on all those little ones who need a forever family to love them. Sometimes moms cannot care for their children. Out of this need comes foster care and adoption.
When we moved back to the Lowcountry in 2018, we thought we would get settled for a year and then start the adoption process one more time. Our two boys began preschool. I decided to teach at a local private school while they were in class. We were settling in, and then I found out I was pregnant!
After twelve years of marriage, baby boy number three would join our family in March 2019 – three little amigos. We gave our blond-haired, blue-eyed baby, the name Asher, which means “gift or miracle.”
Our children may not look exactly like us in appearance, but they are wholly our sons. And we were chosen to be their parents, to help them navigate life. How they got in our arms is simply part of their stories.
They have given him a wonderful life and a beautiful home. I gave him amazing parents and the best life possible. He gave me insight and the true meaning of love. His parents gave me peace of mind.
I’m proud of what I have done and have no intention of hiding this from anyone anymore. I do not regret my decision. I do not regret the family that is now my son’s parents. I do not regret allowing two people, so in love, to be able to enjoy the ups and downs of parenthood.
– Birth Mom
I’ve learned, being a mother has little to do with bearing a child physically. Motherhood is bearing the mountains and valleys of raising another human being, molding their personalities.
Everyone’s story is different. Every child is a gift. And every child deserves to be loved. No matter the journey, adoption is worth it to see love fulfilled in one child’s eyes.
According to the Adoption Network, although one-third of Americans consider adoption, only 2 percent have adopted. Adoption education is necessary to bring change to this staggering statistic.
The Department of Health and Human Services estimates over 428,000 kids in foster care in the United States. Over 100,000 are ready to be adopted. In 2019, only 66,000 of those children were adopted.
In 2018, an article was written by the Washington Post that explained out of the 6 million pregnancies in America per year, approximately 45 percent were unplanned. Further data demonstrate that approximately 4 in 10 ends in abortion, resulting in roughly 1.3 million abortions each year. About 1.4 million women who experience an unintended pregnancy choose to carry their pregnancy to term and raise the child themselves. And about 14,000 babies were placed in forever homes by domestic adoption.
According to an adoption institute, domestic infant adoption is the least common type of adoption; however, it does occur. Combined with public, international, and kinship adoptions, the number of adoptions ranges from approximately 127,000 to 135,000 each year. Not including stepparent adoption, domestic infant adoptions account for 15 percent of all adoptions compared to 59 percent from the child welfare system and 26 percent from international adoptions.
Information and numbers help teach us that the need for adoption and caring for children in the foster system is paramount. Lauryn Johnston, a local foster mom and children’s advocate, shares her heart, saying, “Overwhelmingly, Beaufort needs people who are willing to engage in restoration of families whether that is through foster care, friendship, mentoring, and/or advocacy. It isn’t a singular issue that can be addressed through one organization, church, or policy. It requires communal engagement.”
The Child Abuse Prevention Association, also known as CAPA, is located in Beaufort, SC. They have an incredible team that works to achieve CAPA’s mission of ending child maltreatment through a variety of programs, including a group home, school-based outreach, resource (foster) family program, safe sleep education, and parenting support programs. They are a licensed Child Placing Agency to recruit, train, and support resource (foster) families in Beaufort County.
Lifeline Children’s Services is a ministry planting roots in our town. Headquartered in Birmingham, AL, Lifeline is one of the leading orphan care ministries in the country. With a dynamic team impacting Charleston, they have now begun orphan care in Beaufort County. They act as an agency helping families navigate domestic and international adoptions; educate and mentor birth mothers experiencing unplanned pregnancies; help prospective families complete home study requirements for foster care; advocate for life through local churches, pregnancy centers, community events, and ministries empowering them to actively engage in orphan care; and they equip, train, and support adoptive and foster parents. Lifeline also has a ministry called “unadopted” for those children in foreign contexts that cannot be adopted.
In June 2019, there were over 4,580 children in foster care in South Carolina, but fewer than 3,200 foster families.
• There are about 1.5 million adopted children in our country, about 1 out of every 50 children.
• Nearly 100 million Americans have adoption in their immediate family.
• 62% of children were placed in an adoptive home within one month of birth.
• More than 60% of children in foster care spend 2-5 years before being adopted. Some are never adopted.
• Every year, there are about 1.3 million abortions. Only about 4% of women with unplanned pregnancies chose adoption.
• Sources say approximately 2 million families are waiting to adopt, which is about 36 families to one child placed for adoption.
• 15% of the 135,000 adopted children each year in America are voluntarily relinquished American babies.
• There are over 107,000 children in the child welfare program waiting and ready to be adopted.
According to the Department of Social Services, there is a severe shortage of foster families in Beaufort County. Our children depend on us to fight for their lives through foster care and adoption.
If you are interested in learning more about adoption or foster care, a great place to start is to contact one of the agencies that works in our area from the SC Association of Licensed Adoption Agencies at SCALAA.org. For Lifeline Children’s Services, contact Cathy Leeke at cathy.leeke@lifelinechild.org.
For CAPA, call 843-524-4350.
